Regret
by houselover1
Summary: Summary: What if the day came when it was too late, and they had never said, “I love you”? Now all she can do is say good-bye. Cuddy centric One-shot Rated T for death


This is something that came to me a few weeks ago, and I finally decided to write it down.

Summary: What if the day came when it was too late, and they had never said, "I love you"? Now all she can do is say good-bye. Cuddy centric One-shot **Warning: Major Character Death** Rated T for death

Disclaimer: I do not own House M.D., only the plot line.

A/N: Just want to apologize in advanced for the horrible changes in tense. I've never been good at writing stories in the right tense the whole way through, so sorry, and I hope you enjoy the story!

Tears fell from her eyes. She couldn't think straight. Why had she never said, "I love you," to him. She had always had an excuse, but now all of them seemed meaningless. She had never said it, and now it was too late. She would never get that chance now.

She was slightly aware of Wilson's hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her, although tears were falling from his eyes too. They were both standing in the back of the room. She stared forward, not being able to remove her eyes from the horrible truth she was staring at: House was dead. She couldn't change that, no matter how much she wanted to go back in time and change something, anything that might have prevented this from happening. She stared on at his lifeless form in the casket.

Though she willed herself to get control over her emotions, the tears continued falling. She could here House's antagonizing voice in her head, "You're so pathetic. Why would you let _this _bother you so much? You knew it would happen someday." And even though the voice was completely in her head, she found herself whispering a response. "Because I love you, and I never told you."

She saw Wilson look up at her when she said this. She saw the look on his face, the look that was questioning her sanity. After all, she was talking to herself, but she didn't care.

She started to walk forward. Wilson's hand slipped off her shoulder. She could tell that he almost followed her, but decided against it.

She continued walking until she reached the casket. She stared at his face and a fresh downpour of tears traveled down her face. She wanted so badly to go back in time, even if only a few days, just so she could hear his voice, listen to his sarcastic remarks, stare into his sparkling blue eyes….. but she knew that she couldn't, and that hurt.

She remembered how just a couple of days before, everything had seemed so normal; nothing seemed to be wrong with him.

She then remembered the phone call she had received two nights ago. It had been around three in the morning and she wasn't happy about getting woken up. Not to mention Rachel started to cry, as she had been woken up as well by the loud ringing.

She had walked into Rachel's room to calm her as she answered the phone.

She cooed to her baby to comfort her, but stopped abruptly when a freaked out Wilson started speaking.

"House's liver has failed. He's being rushed to the hospital."

She had frozen for a second in shock before responding with, "I'll be right there," and hung up the phone.

She then had called Rachel's babysitter, who she repeatedly apologized to throughout the conversation for waking her up in the middle of the night, and asked her to come over and watch her daughter while she attended to some urgent business at the hospital.

Rachel's babysitter said she would be over within minutes, and thankfully, she was. She remembered how she had rushed out the door the moment she could leave. She had gotten into her car and driven over the speed limit.

When she had finally gotten to the hospital she rushed to the ER and things were in a panic. It had terrified her, because the panic was all about House, which meant things were really bad.

Wilson rushed over to her when he saw her appear.

"Things aren't looking good," he said shakily.

"Why…..Why is his liver failing?" she asked. She couldn't quite wrap her mind around what was going on. She was on the verge of panic. Nothing could happen to him.

"It appears to be from the vicodin…… and he has a BAC of .5."

"He _what_!" she answered. _How could he be so careless_?, she thought.

"He was passed out when I found him."

"We need to find him a liver," she said.

"You know the board won't pass giving him a liver with his addiction problem."

"But they have to. He's the best doctor I've got. They can't let him die!" She was about to break. She was about to let all her emotions take control, but she couldn't do that. She had to stay in control.

The final thing that told them he wasn't getting a transplant happened then.

He flat lined. His heart was now failing. She rushed over to him. _NO! This can't be happening._

"Get the paddles!" she shouted at Cameron.

Cameron got the paddles and started to get ready to shock House.

"Clear!" she hollered, and sent the first electric shock through House. He still had no pulse.

Five times later, Cameron had given up. There were tears in her eyes as she turned away.

"No! You can't give up," she shouted at her. She grabbed the paddles from Cameron and tried again, and again, and again. There was still no pulse, and now tears were pouring from her eyes too.

"House, don't do this to me!" she screamed. Wilson was standing nearby and tears were falling from his eyes as well.

With one final effort she tried again, and still there was no pulse. She finally gave up, handing the paddles to Wilson. She stared at House and grabbed his hand. His hand still felt slightly warm. She let down her mask and held his hand crying until all the warmth had left his body. For a while, she was slightly delirious, which she realized when Foreman walked up to her.

"We need to take his body to the morgue," he said solemnly.

"No you don't!" she shouted, "He's not dead! He can't be." She said the last part in a voice that almost sounded like a whimper. She couldn't accept it. She didn't want to accept it, and yet she had no choice.

"I'm sorry," she said to Foreman. "I…..I need to leave."

She looked at House one last time, and then turned and left.

She shook herself. She had to get a grip on things. After standing there for a few more minutes she finally leaned down and lightly kissed his cold forehead.

"I love you," she whispered, "Good-bye."

She suddenly woke up and sat up straight. She was happy beyond words, and yet she was so upset by her dream that tears started to fall from her eyes. _It was all just a dream. House is fine. He's not dead!_

After a few minutes, once her tears had stopped, she stood up and got dressed. She had to see him, talk to him; she had to know that everything was okay with him.

She knew she had to do something about her dream. There was no way she would make the mistake she had in her dream. She walked out to her car, after getting dressed, and took off.

She soon found herself outside of his apartment. She wasn't exactly sure what to do at first, but finally started to walk up to the door.

As she reached the apartment door, she could here the sweet, dulcet tones of House playing the piano. She stopped and listened. It was a song she didn't know, but it seemed to almost fit with her mood. It was sad, yet it had a promising feeling to it, like you knew there was going to be a happy ending to the song. She all of a sudden realized that House was singing softly with the music that he played, and she was shocked to hear the words.

"_I looked at you and knew that I wanted nothing else but you,_

_You looked at me and you saw nothing but misery,_

_I knew I wasn't for you, but I wanted you none the less,_

_You turned and didn't look back,_

_I watched you and knew that:_

_You were the one I wanted,_

_You were the one I needed,_

_I wanted to hold you tight and never let go,_

_I wanted you to see that I loved you so,_

_But you never looked back,_

_You never looked back_

_There is just one thing I still need to say,_

_I love you, I love you,_

_If you ever look back at me, I'll shout out to you,_

_I love you, I love you_

_Please, look back; give me a second glance,_

_I love you, I love you"_

The last notes of the song rang out and Cuddy found a few tears falling down her face. She quickly realized that the piece had been written by House, because the piece hadn't ended, which she was happy to know, because that meant he hadn't given up on the happy ending yet. She then wiped her tears away and finally raised her hand and knocked on the door. A few seconds passed before she heard House scoot away from the piano and start walking. At first, she wandered if he would even come to the door, but she was reassured when the thump of his cane got louder, signifying he was walking towards the door.

The next thing she knew House opened the door and was staring at her. By the look on his face he hadn't expected it to be her, and he seemed shocked at the tear stains on her face. She knew that that was why he looked shocked, because for once he was staring at her face instead of her boobs. It made her happy to know that he cared, so she smiled.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I…I…" She then broke into another torrent of tears.

"Cuddy, what's wrong?" he asked, real worry, coloring his voice. He took a small step towards her, reaching out, but stopped short of actually touching her.

"I'm just happy to know you're okay," she said in-between sobs.

"What do you mean, why would there be anything wrong with me? It's not like I'm going to just up and die."

Cuddy's tears had started to slow until he said this, but after that statement, the tears just wouldn't stop falling. She could see his blurry image get upset at the fact that she was crying, and try to figure out what he had said wrong.

Finally, Cuddy just fell into him, hugging him, resting her head on his chest.

"I…I…had a dream that you died, and I realized that…I realized that there was something I needed to say to you." In the middle of this statement, House had wrapped his arms around her, giving her the courage to finish her sentence.

"What is that?" he asked curiously.

She wasn't sure if she could say it, though she knew she needed to. She looked up at him, and he saw her hesitate, trying to decide what to say. At this, he rubbed his hand on her back. She wasn't sure if it was a true gesture, to make her feel better, or if it was just his curiosity bubbling over into his actions, causing him to do what ever it took to find out what was on her mind, even if it meant him showing some emotion. It didn't really matter, because it did its job, and she looked up into his eyes and softly whispered what she had come there to say.

"I love you."

"I…I…," now it was House's turn to be speechless. He paused for a few moments and finally whispered back.

"I love you too."

At this, he hugged her closer to him, and then leaned down and kissed her lips ever so gently. It melted all of her worries. She knew now that she was in love with him, and he loved her back.

They eventually let go of each other so that they could go inside and get more comfortable, but they didn't let go for long. Soon House was sitting on the couch, and Cuddy lay down, so that she could lean against his chest, and he quickly wrapped his arms around her.

She soon found herself drifting off to sleep, worn out by all of the crying she had done and restless sleep she had had earlier that night. She was just about to fall asleep, when House let his arms slip from around her and gently lift her so that he could get up. He then placed her softly back on to the couch. She was still slightly aware of what was going on around her, so she noticed his missing warmth. She groaned softly, upset by him leaving, but her sadness quickly dissipated as piano music filled the room.

House started playing right where he had left off, finally getting to play the end he had so waited for. She soon fell asleep with the final sound of the song ringing through her head.

"_You finally looked back, and noticed I could change,_

_And so I got to tell you,_

_I love you, I love you."_

A/N: I really hope you liked it! I would be extremely excited if you review, not that I really expect anybody to read this. Though, if you took time to read my story, I am eternally grateful. Thank you!


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